Parking Lot

As a divorced parent, I think I am learning that it is normal and ok to be sad and happy at the same time. Such a cliche, right? I sat in my car after a softball game for my daughter the other night, alone. Watched as my children left with their father and as other families packed into their cars together. The parking lot went from busy and full to empty and quiet. It hit me, that’s exactly how I feel so often. This is not the life I envisioned. Not the life I had dreamed of. I wanted the big family, the nightly dinners, the chaos, normalcy. That ‘normal’ chaos, it feeds my soul, yet so often I find myself very much alone.

I’ve got the career, I’ve done some great things in my somewhat short life. I honestly can’t complain. The days filled with my children, whether we are cuddling on the couch for a movie, building legos, making slime, or homework during dinner on a crazy night after work, school, sports and music lessons or running out the door at 6:45 am to make the commute to school on time are the days that make me happiest.

Then come the days I don’t have my babies and it’s like the parking lot that went from full and busy to empty and I can tell you there is nothing more loud and deafening than the quiet that is left behind. It often consumes me.
I am beyond fortunate for all that I have. Health, my babies, family and friends. I think this is just my reminder to you, cherish what you have and to not take anything for granted. Just my thoughts.